dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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