lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
