I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize