i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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