PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
