I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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