When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I pour the whiskey from now on
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
