If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
