she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
