We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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