I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Randomize
