It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
