why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
