I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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