things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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