I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
