I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
