think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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