just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
