Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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