I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
