bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
