Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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