her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
