I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
