Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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