Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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