No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
