I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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