I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
