70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
