HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
