it wasn't lemon gatorade
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
