I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize