5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need to calm my uterus...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
