Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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