I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just googled if crying burns calories
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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