You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
