if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
