Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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