nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize