well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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