grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so let's talk penis.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
