oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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