I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
