woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
