he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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