No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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