I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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