It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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