I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
