if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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