I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
