I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
