did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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