Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I smell stomach acid.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
