pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
