none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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