I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
