who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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