dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
