if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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